Boundaries - What?

Don't know about anyone else, but over the last year or so it seems that God has really been calling me out to take a look at who I am getting my approval from...really. Do I base too much of my worth on what others say about me or how they respond to me? Where should I get my approval? What does walking in love really mean? Why do I have such conflicting feelings about trying to please people that are in my life? What do I "owe" people? What about what I want? Am I selfish to say "no" sometimes?

God really first starting dealing with me on this several years ago when I started attending Joyce Meyer's Ladies conferences with church friends. I began learning about freedom and what that meant in my life personally. I was shown scriptures in the Bible that told me things I had never heard or hadn't understood about how to relate to others. As the years went on, my heart began aching for a freedom from things in my life that had held me back from being "me". One of my favorite phrases after one particular conference was "I'm free to be me". I said it, and I wanted it to be so, but I didn't know how to make it be that way. When I started "being me" sometimes others around me didn't like it. They weren't used to me speaking out for what I felt or telling them that I didn't like something they were doing or that I didn't agree with them. Then, one day, a wonderful friend of mine suggested a book that she had read called Boundaries...[When to Say YES When to Say NO To Take Control of Your Life] by Henry Cloud and John Townsend.

I want to share some things I have learned from this book, which by the way, is scripturally based. I will put links on here for Henry Cloud and John Townsend so you can check them out on your own. This is what the front cover says: "Having clear boundaries is essential to a healthy, balanced lifestyle.

"A boundary is a personal property line that marks those things for which we are responsible. In other words, boundaries define who we are and who we are not. Boundaries impact all areas of our lives."

Physical boundaries help us determine who may touch us and under what circumstances.

Mental boundaries give us the freedom to have our own thought and opinions.

Emotional boundaries help us deal with our own emotions and disengage from the harmful, manipulative emotions of others.

Spiritual boundaries help us to distinguish God's will from our own and give us renewed awe for our Creator.

Often times, Christians focus so much on being loving an unselfish that they forget their own limits and limitations. When confronted with their lack of boundaries, they ask:

* Can I set limits and still be a loving person?

* What are legitimate boundaries?

* What if someone is upset or hurt by my boundaries?

* How do I answer someone who wants my time, love, energy, or money?

* Aren't boundaries selfish?

* Why do I feel guilty or afraid when I consider setting boundaries?

Wow, I had been asking all these very questions for years! He had my attention and I have since experienced more of the freedom I had been after by putting into practice the things I learned through this book and the scriptures that I was shown. I'm still working some things out, but I can say that I have come a long way and now I think it's important for me to share with others that may be experiencing some of the same things I have.